Motherland Coffee Company

Recently, I read an article in the Economist about the rampant piracy of Civet Dung coffee. And I was like - I'm not sure how they pirate that, but whatever way, it sounds disgusting.

And then I read the article.

As it turns out, I've been wrong all along. Contrary to popular (my) belief, Civet Dung coffee is, in actual fact, made from real coffee beans. Apparently, these civets (affectionately referred to as "weasels" in their native Vietnam - I thought they were African - wrong AGAIN) are quite discerning about the type and ripeness of the coffee beans they eat - I like them already. Once the choiciest of the coffee beans have been swallowed, they pass through the cat/weasel, and leave the other end sweeter than they came in. The dung is collected by enterprising peasants; the beans picked out and sun-dried until the husks open, and the inner beans ground into some of the most expensive coffee on earth.

And there I thought it was the dung itself that was roasted, espressed, and mixed into freshly steamed milk. But now that I think about it, the whole process sounds wholesomely organic, and I'll confess that I'm now dead keen to try it. After all - my favourite part of the chicken is the parson's nose, and we all know what that is. I also like body-filters in general (liver, tripe, kidney). So if I'm entirely honest, I'm a peasant. 

What does this have to do with Joburg?

Well nothing really - I just found it interesting. But it does lead me onto one of my all-time favourite, most necessary, topics: the one-stop coffee shop. In Cape Town, I had Loading Bay. And Loading Bay was my place. I was there most mornings before work, and Saturday mornings were a given. In fact, I used to feel a little lost on a Sunday while it was closed!

I'm on the right track, baby - I'm at Loading Bay

After some careful thought and consideration, I have come up with a list for how to know if a place is your place:

1. You know all the baristas by name
2. You know all the regulars by name
3. The owner knows you by name
4. The baristas don't need to ask what you're having - they just make it (two capps to take away - one steamed hotter than the other so that I can drink it second, one Apple and Ginger juice with extra ginger, and a ham and cheese tosti on sourdough - asap). 
5. You no longer need to look at the menu when you sit down (after an extensive sampling process, you know that the goats cheese and fresh herb omelette is the answer to all Saturday-morning moods).
6. People stop asking what you're up to at 9am on a Saturday morning.
7. You time your visits to start just before it would get too busy for you to get rockstar parking and your regular table.
8. It has a song in your head (Lady G's "Born this way" morphed into a caffeine anthem, with verses and a bridge). 
9. You start to quote their slogan as a catch-phrase (Loading Bay: "Today Is A Good Day")
10. You occasionally post photos of it on Facebook, randomly tagging people you've taken there.

It really is though

And then, because I like lists, I came up with another one. Here are the key requirements for a one-stop coffee shop:

1. There must be good coffee (the beans must not be over-roasted, the milk must not be over-heated, arabica not robusta, micro-roasting preferred, a nutty flavour encouraged). 
2. There must be free Wifi (a NON-NEGOTIABLE - I have been spoiled. It's how I stay there for hours).
3. Clever decor/theme.
4. The food must be exciting (if you're there for hours, you're going to want to eat - and what's the point of good coffee with bad pastry?)
5. The barristas must be interested enough to realise that I'm a regular by day 3.
6. Background music must be non-intrusive (soft-core rock or latin-american jazz work well).
7. Close to parking.
8. They must open early (9 is just too late - I've been jonesing for a fix since 7:00 - to the point where the jonesing woke me)

So I moved to Joburg and despaired. Because Loading Bay is hard to repeat. I went to Bean There in 44 Stanley, and the coffee was delicious enough that I thought I could do without the free Wifi. But then I discovered that it's difficult to sit for hours without it. There's always Seattle - but even proximity to Exclusive Books wasn't enough. 

But then I tried Motherland Coffee Company in Rosebank. The coffee is delicious (particularly if you get an extra shot). The wifi is free (and fast). Everything is in black and wood and concrete. The food is not bad (although I had a moment with a chicken, feta and basil pesto wrap that I'd prefer not to repeat).  And there are solid ticks next to the parking, opening hours and background music requirements. 

"Africa is the Future and You are the Revolution"

I'm probably going to be a bit irritating going forward with that phrase. And there are t-shirts. I have been here everyday: it's where I'm typing this post.

The Motha Cuppa Latte with the extra shot

Dear Baristas - remember me. 

I'll be back.